Going Undercover
by armed-cherub
Summary: "Well, what do you suggest we do? Hold hands?" Levi/OC. Oneshot.


"We're going undercover. What can go wrong? Actually, don't answer that."

"Hey, this would be easier if you were less talkative."

"Can't help it. I'm nervous."

Five men filed out of the door they had been staring at, four of which were soldiers of the Military Police Brigade.

"Let's go."

Allowing a calculated distance between the guards and themselves, they stood up, and began to trace their steps.

"Don't you think this is a little obvious?"

"If you weren't so fidgety —"

"No, think about it. Humanity's Strongest and some other person in the Survey Corps, just strolling about?

"Well, what do you suggest we do? Hold hands?"

"Good call." She held his hand, fingers sliding in between his cold ones. "What… why the hell are your hands so cold?"

Levi stared at their locked hands, brain still attempting to comprehend what had just happened.

She ignored him, narrowing her eyes at their person of interest.

"Let's see… he's got four body guards - bordering more on paranoid than careful, if you ask me."

"Xandria."

"Yes, I know we can take out the Military Police, but Commander Erwin strictly said no funny business."

"My hand, Xandria."

"What about your hand?"

"Explain what it is you think you're doing to my hand."

"Holding it?" She shook their intertwined hands in front of his face.

"Why?"

"Because it's a good idea?" Levi's deadpan eyes stared into hers. "Hey, if I saw Humanity's Most Terrifying holding hands with someone, I sure as hell wouldn't want to interfere."

"That's just you."

"That's just most sane people."

"You're not quite within that range."

"It's why I'm still alive."

"…Let go of it."

"I have clean hands, don't over-exaggerate."

Levi began to shake off her grip, wriggling his fingers free. She grasped his hand tighter and yanked it down to her side.

"Does your idea of romantic include washing hands together?"

There was a few moments of silence, and she felt his hand crushing hers.

"Never knew you were so passionate when it came to holding hands."

"Let go."

"No. This disguise is perfect."

"If it was, they wouldn't be looking."

"They're not looking."

"Look for yourself."

She glanced sideways, noticing that they had their attention turned towards them.

"Just… act normal."

"They really should stop ogling."

"They wouldn't be, if you were more convincing."

"Convincing?"

"Captain, last time I checked, couples don't mindlessly just hold hands and roam streets."

"Don't they?"

"Actually, I was hoping you'd have the answer."

"…I've never been in a relationship before."

"That's… that's excellent. No, it is. This is ideal! They'll be too irked to even look at us!"

"What… just what the fuck are you rambling on about, Xandria?"

"About couples that don't know how to act around the other. They're repulsive, and acting like one is probably our best bet."

"I don't want to agree with you, but I might have to."

"Hey, wait. Are they… whispering?" She raised an eyebrow, peering at the people ahead.

"They've also slowed down. Just what are they…"

"Gossiping, maybe? You are Humanity's Strongest, after all."

Levi rolled his eyes at her.

"It's a compliment. I think."

"Compliments aside, they're giving us some weird looks… We might have to hang back."

"What — we can't lose them, in case you've forgotten!"

"We won't. It's one of two things — would you rather we risk being called out here and now, or lose them entirely?"

"Neither, what happened to being a repulsive couple?!" She exclaimed.

"Xandria—" He hissed, eyes repeatedly shifting over to the group of people who had swivelled backward in their direction.

"No. Captain, we—"

Levi forced her lips on hers, planting his hands on both sides of her face.

Not long before she had began to wrench herself free from his hold, he pulled away. Their faces flushed a deep red, eyes averting the others as they feigned interest in objects around them.

The body guards shifted their focus elsewhere, three heads averting to other directions. One pulled an enthusiastic thumbs up, an wide grin plastered upon his face.

They walked in silence for a few moments.

"I never said kissing was part of the disguise."

"I never said holding hands was, either."

"And somehow, _that's_ what's more devastating?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Holding hands is a bit too intense, even for Captain Levi. Noted."

"Shut up."

"I'll let Petra know — make it easier for the both of you."

"Shut _up_."

"You're welcome."

"Xandria."

"Dearest Captain?"

"Unless you want me to kiss you again, you better shut it."

"Is that supposed to be a threat? Gods above, spare me from the evil clutches of Captain Levi's lips—"

Levi pressed her lips to hers once more.

* * *

A/N: i genuinely hope this was even remotely amusing (ι´Д｀)ﾉ

that aside, please do leave a review! constructive criticism is always welcome, and i'm especially curious to know what you think 3


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